Cars and Castles: Parenting Teens and Toddlers

Kitchen chairs wobble high, topped with gallantly-waving blanket turrets. My teen daughter has asked for a break from homeschooling to play with her three year old brother.

"I haven't given him enough time lately, Mom," she shares sadly. "I'm already done with my math test, creative writing, and art. Can I build him a castle?"

Sure, yes! How do you say no to that? Minutes later, shaggy haired three year old races into the kitchen.

"Mom, I need a sword for my castle!"

Equipped with a green rubber spatula shoved down the side of his diaper, he runs off, with a few mighty leaps and paused poses. "I get bad guys," he informs me.

Downstairs, tall broad-shouldered oldest reads "The Tale of Two Cities," plodding through homework that takes up more and more of his day. Preparing for college in a year, he is learning that school becomes a way of life in these years. He balances two part time jobs, homework, and driver's ed classes where three long-legged teens pile into our vehicle for carpooled rides.

Balancing glue stick crafts and college visits is a fun adventure. Here are three tools we have used in parenting teens and toddlers.  

1.) Make the family unit something to be treasured. We affirm often that family is forever, and that these friendships are to be nurtured too. Meals are intentional times of conversation and laughter. Siblings are encouraged to mentor and invest in each other.

2.) Plan fun family events --for several ages.  We have enjoyed half price sushi, board games, and movie nights over pizza, along with simple Pooh Bear memory games. I am recognizing that I need to do more outings for just the four older ones of us, too, leaving toddler with a babysitter sometimes. We hope to go bowling soon.

3.) Proceed with prayer, laughter and lots of communication. Discussions with our kids and getting their feedback is very helpful. Talking through parenting choices with my husband is vital too, and I appreciate his discernment. Together we seek God's heart and wisdom too.

When I realize that this time in the home with our kids is so short, and that a lifetime of adult friendships are possible, it excites me and changes how I parent.

What about you? I look forward to hearing from you what parenting tips you enjoy, or what you have seen others do well, or what your parents did well with you. 

Jazz, Prayers, and a Translation in Progress

Quiet jazz music flows around me at the kitchen table here tonight. Hot water in my favorite mug warms and relaxes me. Three year old Daniel just downed two yogurts. “I hungry, Mom,” he had declared earlier.

I love being a mom: hearing his requests, striving to meet them if they are good for him, and then snuggling beside him as he tells me about his day in kid-speak. Often we have to stop and translate his words for others, since everything is not intelligible yet.

A few weeks ago, my husband taught a lesson on the Lord’s Prayer to our youth group teens. In Matthew 6:9-15, it says,

“This, then, is how you should pray:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'"

My husband pointed out to our teens that the first line encapsulates the two extremes of God’s character –huge, Creator of the world, worthy of being hallowed (praised as holy); and yet we are to call Him Father. Such an intimate personal term. Freedom yet reverence.

Verses 9 and 10 deal mostly with large, cosmic issues: God’s authority and the instant obedience that happens in heaven; the odd tension here on earth of the “earth’s being the Lord’s” and yet it being enemy-occupied territory for a season while the evil one has a limited time here (2 Corinthians talks about the “god of this age has blinded their eyes” to the Truth, and 1 John 5:19 states that “the whole world is under the control of the evil one”).

The next verses of the Lord’s Prayer step away from the abstract cosmos, getting more personal and quotidenne. I am told to talk to God openly about my basic physical needs; to enlist his aid in making the healthy emotional choices of forgiveness, releasing resentment; and to run to him honestly in spiritual issues of temptation.

Wanting the teens to better grapple with the Lord’s Prayer after this teaching, my husband asked them to write the prayer in their own words. Laughter, murmured thoughts aloud, and silent reflection reigned on the mismatched couches in the youth area for several minutes. Then bit by bit, they read their paraphrased prayers aloud. It was beautiful.

Trying to put God terms into human words sometimes leaves me grasping for words like a preschooler with some unintelligible words. I’m so thankful for my Abba Daddy who knows kid-speak and can translate for me. He knows my needs, teaches me, and then snuggles up to hear about my day. Here’s my paraphrase of the Lord’s prayer from that night.

“Our big strong heavenly Dad,
Great is your name—great is your glory.
We look forward to you kicking out the evil one; and our world no longer being an occupied fallen territory. I can’t wait until the stain of sin is lifted off the earth to be pure and clean like in heaven.
Please provide our food and needs each day. Forgive us and help us forgive others.
Help me to recognize sin and hate it, staying away from it. Protect me from the evil one.”

What about you? Want to join me in this fun exercise? You can post your paraphrase below as a comment or feel free to blog about it and then link back to me here, so we can share it together. It’s a helpful way to reflect more on the Lord’s Prayer. Plus, how was your Thanksgiving? What was your favorite dessert then?

Leadership Teams and Seeking God's Leading

At work today as the church Body Life Coordinator, I have been brainstorming the small group line ups for this fall. My desire is to not simply create events for events' sake in today's overly-busy world, but to prayerfully choose what will best benefit my church body. My desire is for them to be connected with each other as a church family, to grow, learn, serve, be transparent, and to support each other as we all strive to love and serve Christ more. So I seek out feedback from the congregation and seek out my Abba Daddy's heart, wanting to hear His voice.

As summer winds down to a close, I imagine that your women's Leadership team meetings are kicking into last minute high gear too. If you have one or two last spots to fill for your speakers 2011-2012 lineup, let me offer you first pick of a brand new workshop for this year. Or feel free to use any of my other messages.

Preschoolers: Intentional Parenting

By request, a workshop on parenting our preschoolers and toddlers with a larger purpose in mind. With the high energy of constant “Why’s?” and “No, Don’t Touch that!,” it’s too easy to simply parent reactively, or in pure survival mode.  We have all done that. Take this chance to sit back, peak into God’s word, and get the larger purposes involved in parenting preschoolers and toddlers. Walk away with handy tips to diffuse tantrums, enable choices, retrain rude mouths, and build peaceful sibling relationships. Plus be inspired anew to create a sense of awe and wonder for our kids’ Creator! 

Contact me and my speaker board at (763) 780-9812 if you are interested. In the meantime, may you and I both enjoy sitting at the feet of our Abba/Daddy.