Swords and Dragon-Slayers (Plus a Giveaway!)

Tuareg warriors

“Jen, the dagger is coming out from under the bed,” he said nonchalantly yesterday. Grabbing the tiny engraved blade, he slid the dagger back into its coffee-colored holster, and pushed it further under the bed. 

Two swords lay nestled under our bed. Normally the curved green and brown sword that used to hang from a nomadic African warrior’s mount and the coffee-colored, multi-daggered sword combo are displayed on our bedroom wall.  With our house on the market though, we have hidden away all unique wall hangings – swords included. 

I snuggled into my pillow later, still grinning at the incongruity of blades below us.  Today it reminds me of the verse, Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18).

The last few months I have been digging into books on building strong marriages, partly for fun and partly as research for my recent MOPS talk on “The Seven Needs of a Husband.” Shaunti Feldham in her book For Women Only, along with Chuck Cowan, former chief of survey design for the U.S. Census Bureau, surveyed over 800 anonymous men. What she and others (including Dr. Emerson Eggerichs) found is that men have a deep need for respect. While we women need respect too, there is a deeper issue, a deeper hole, in men that asks the question, “Do I have what it takes? Am I man enough? Am I powerful? Until a man knows he’s a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time may shrink from anything that might reveal he is not. Most men live their lives haunted by the question, or crippled by the answer they’ve been given,” asserts author John Eldridge in his book Wild at Heart (62).   

While our men need to get that haunting question answered ultimately by God, and not from any humans, we as wives play a vital role too.  Sincere affirmation to our husbands, friends, brothers, dads and sons is powerful. A marriage counselor told author Felham, “Affirmation is everything. When a man is affirmed, he can conquer the world. When he’s not, he is sapped of his confidence and even his feelings of manhood. And believe me, he will consciously or unconsciously seek out places where he receives affirmation. If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life. A man tends to think of life as a competition and a battle, and he can energetically go duke it out if he can come home to someone who supports him unconditionally, and who will tell him he can do it” (67 For Women Only). 

A male friend told Shaunti, “It’s all about whether my wife thinks I can do it. A husband can slay dragons, climb mountains, and win great victories if he believes his wife believes he can do it” (67 For Women Only).

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Friends, our tongues can pierce like a sword or bring healing to the men and women in our lives. 

Even more powerful than constructive words in private are sincere compliments in public, researchers found. Look for ways to build up your spouse, your friends, and your children in front of others. To practice, leave a comment below with a compliment about someone in your life (husband, brother, sibling, friend, child). 

To spur us on in this great habit, I’ll throw in a $5 giveaway coffee card to a winner at random. Here's how to win:
1.) Post your answer in the comments below to get your name in the hat.
2.) Optional: Answer this question on your blog also with a link to my blog there for another chance to win.
3.) Optional: After commenting with your answer here, click Share to Facebook to post this site with your compliment on your facebook wall too.

Three ways to earn your name in the hat for the gift card. Let me know what you do in the comments section below so I can get your name listed as many times as possible. I'll post the winner on Monday.