The Parenting Mistake We all Make and Need to Stop (Plus a Giveaway)

 We all do it. 

We think we’re protecting them. We think it’s for their benefit.

But we’ve all done it at some time, and it happens most often with toddlers or preschoolers. 

The setting is different for everyone, but it comes up. In the lull of a terse conversation, a child pipes in. Depending on their language abilities, the words vary, but the meaning is the same. Written across their brow, stamped into their eyes, and tilted into their head slant is the same question. “What’s wrong?” 

They heard it in our voices, or saw it in our eyes. Causes vary:  a stressful work situation, a financial tightness, or a brief marriage spat. 

Right then, we face a choice. 

Ten years ago, I responded differently than I do today. A friend of mine revolutionized the way I answer that question.

Ten years ago, I would have gently changed the conversation, or brushed aside my toddler’s questions with a slight “It’s nothing. We’re fine”-kind of answer. I so easily wanted to err on the side of protecting them from troubles or disagreements.

My friend Anne, a counselor in the mental health field for over twenty years, a licensed social worker with a masters in educational counseling and a certified Crisis Intervention Specialist quietly taught me differently one day as we worked together nearby. 

Children are so intuitive and observant. They sense when mom or dad are tense, angry or upset. But when we dismiss their worries, it discredits their inner gut feeling that something isn’t right. Anne went on to explain that while our motives are pure in wanting to keep their minds free of concerns, we end up doing our children a disservice because they learn to not trust their gut feelings that speak up announcing tension, troubles, or potentially dangerous situations. 

Building confident, perceptive children starts with acknowledging what they are sensing and can’t put into words yet. 

Your choice? My choice? In that moment when huge brown eyes are staring up at you, under furrowed brows… pause, get down to eye level, and affirm what they sensed.

“Yes, Daddy and I are thinking about something right now. You’re right.” 

Kiss them, smooth back that hair, and then say, “But it’ll be okay. And God is good. Thanks, my sweet.” 

Anne has written a poignant hardcover children’s book giving parents and caregivers tips to help children process their emotions. Through beautiful watercolor illustrations and a compelling story, families walk through a child’s hurt, disappointment and grief to a repaired relationship. 

I’d love to give away two copies of this book! There are several ways to win. In the comments below, tell me your thoughts (or disagreements) on this post above, or share a piece of parenting advice you've received and your impressions of it -- both good or bad.

Here's how:

1.) Post your answer in the comments below to get your name in the hat.
2.) Optional: Answer this question on your blog also with a link to my blog there for another chance to win.
3.) Optional: After commenting with your answer here, click Share to Facebook to post this site with your comment on your facebook wall too.

Three ways to earn your name in the hat for the books. Let me know what you do in the comments section below so I can get your name listed as many times as possible. I'll post the winner on Monday.